


haha i'm dtf

by rainbowblue13



Series: how did we get here? [3]
Category: Do No Harm (TV), Hamilton - Miranda, In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: Accidental Outing, But he's a good friend, Gen, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, alexander isnt the best secretary of treasury, ruben is concerned(tm), usnavi doesnt understand acronyms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 06:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10656603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowblue13/pseuds/rainbowblue13
Summary: moneydude: oh my godmoneydude: ruben you werent lyingmoneydude: he really is too pureOr, Usnavi learns a little more that he wanted to know, and chaos ensues.





	haha i'm dtf

**Author's Note:**

> It's all in the additional tags, but I'm gonna list a few possible triggers in the end notes, for anyone that wants to skip there and be safe!
> 
> Also warning for feels (tm)

 

**moneydude:** gUYS GUYS

**usnavy:** ¿Qué paso?

**moneydude:** I HAVE FOUND THE BEST VIDEO ON THE INTERNET

**usnavy:** aren't you supposed to be in a cabinet meeting

**ruBen10:** Just, y'know, deciding the economic future of our country

**usnavy:** exacto

**moneydude:** THAT CAN ALL WAIT

**usnavy:** no it can't??

**ruBen10:** I am very concerned and confused as to how you were elected

 

_moneydude has sent a video: "yee"_

 

**ruBen10:** Why are you in charge of our country in any degree

**moneydude:** right??

**moneydude:** HEY NO WAIT I THOUGHT YOU WOULD AGREE WITH ME AND LAUGH

**ruBen10:** oMFG

**usnavy:** ooooooh no me diga

**moneydude:** sTOP THIS IS S L AN D ER

**usnavy:** slanderxander

**moneydude:** c e a se 

**ruBen10:** Omnicient

**moneydude:** ??'?'

**ruBen10:** I tried to type out a random selection of letters to show my laughter but autocorrect

**usnavy:** you need to autocorrect your life

**moneydude:** ooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOH SHIT

**ruBen10:** What did I do to deserve this

**moneydude:** @usnavy you are hilarious and i love u

**usnavy:** jajaja i'm dtf

**ruBen10:** WHAT

**moneydude:** w H AT

**ruBen10:** I ALMOST FUCKING C H O K E D

**usnavy:** ?

**ruBen10:** USNAVI PLEASE TELL ME YOU KNOW WHAT DTF MEANS

**usnavy:** "damn too funny"

**moneydude:** oh my god

**moneydude:** ruben you werent lying

**moneydude:** he really is too pure

**usnavy:** what is h a p p e ning

**moneydude:** should i tell him or should you

**moneydude:** oh please let me tell him

**ruBen10:** Dtf means "Down To Fuck"

**moneydude:** you monster

**usnavy:** what?? no way, no se pasen

**moneydude:** i swear on political statues-- it's true

**ruBen10:** @moneydude What??

**moneydude:** im not sure if god/gods are real, but there will always be a statue of a politician standing

**usnavy:** that doesn't make sense though, sonny told me it meant "damn too funny". i remember cause he was texting pete when he said it and i asked him what it was.

**moneydude:** oooh my god

**ruBen10:** Who's Pete?

**usnavy:** a sorta friend of sonny's

**moneydude:** trust me they are a LOT more than just sorta friends

**ruBen10:** @moneydude B e h a v e

**usnavy:** im????

**moneydude:** Usnavi, what did your cousin do after explaining what the dtf meant?

**usnavy:** he said he wanted to go on a walk before his shift started again

**ruBen10:** I don't know how to feel about this

**moneydude:** IM D E C E A S E D

**ruBen10:** Navi, I have some news for you

**usnavy:** im very terrified of whatever is happening

**ruBen10:** To put it lightly

**ruBen10:** Your cousin and Pete straight up fucked

**moneydude:** @ruBen10 how in the shit is that putting it lightly, even im not that bad

**usnavy:** ia

**usnavy:** aksn

**ruBen10:** Usnavi??

**usnavy:** ih foanIHgaHBH

**moneydude:** i thought he didnt have caps lock??

**ruBen10:** If my hypothesis is correct, he's smashing the phone so badly that the key unstuck

**usnavy:** as444sdSD4S8D

 

_moneydude has changed the group chat name to "usnavi is fucking dead and we killed him"_

 

**ruBen10:** Are you serious

**moneydude:** No I'm the Secretary of Treasury

**moneydude:** bit c h

* * *

**usnavy:** sup

**ruBen10:** Hello? How did it go?

**moneydude:** ARE YOU DEAD

**usnavy:** its sonny, im navis cousin

**moneydude:** ooooooooh

**ruBen10:** Hello, handsome

**moneydude:** WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

**ruBen10:** Lol I'm just joking with him

**usnavy:** im just gonna ignore that?? cause i'm a minor sooo

**moneydude:** @ruBen10 u fucked up

**ruBen10:** I'm very very sorry I didn't know that please don't arrest me

**usnavy:** its chill

**moneydude:** Why do u have usnavi's phone though?

**usnavy:** im doin maintenance cause he almost broke it

**ruBen10:** That maaaay have been our fault

**usnavy:** how?

**ruBen10:** We told him what dtf stands for

**usnavy:** so?

**moneydude:** think abt it real hard for a second

**usnavy:** oh

**moneydude:** yep

**ruBen10:** Damn too funny

**usnavy:** i had to improv

**moneydude:** how's usnavi rn?

**usnavy:** hes been all weird. like his eye keeps twitching and hes sweating alot. he wont even look me in the eye

**ruBen10:** Wait, did we accidentally out you??

**usnavy:** yea

**ruBen10:** Fuck. We're very, very sorry

**usnavy:** nothin i can do now, whatev

**moneydude:** No, not "whatev". Have you talked to him?

**usnavy:** he hasnt rlly spoken to me at all so

**usnavy:** no i guess

**moneydude:** put him on the phone

**usnavy:** k

**usnavy:** guys im pANICKING WHAT DO I DO

**ruBen10:** It's really fucking weird to see you use caps lock now

**moneydude:** pull yourself together, pendejo. youre scaring ur cousin

**usnavy:** me scare him??? he's got me so on edge i cant even be in the same room as him!!

**moneydude:** : listen up u homophobic piece of shit

**usnavy:** espera espera, what?? it's not THAT

**usnavy:** what do you take me for?? puta madre

**usnavy:** i don't care if he's with girls or boys or both. he's familia

**moneydude:** THEN WHY ARE YOU BEING WEIRD

**usnavy:** CAUSE NOW I CAN ONLY IMAGINE MY LITTLE COUSIN HAVING SEX WITH A PERSON THAT VANDALIZES BUILDINGS ON THE REGULAR AND EVEN IF I'VE SLOWLY GROWN TO ACCEPT PETE IT'S A WHOLE OTHER THING TO GO "SI, CHINGATE A MI PRIMO, NO PROBLEM. DO THE DO, I'LL SELL YOU THE CONDOMS MYSELF!!! DE LA VEGA BODEGA BRAND!!!!11!!1"

**moneydude:** oh

**moneydude:** i can see your point

**ruBen10:** You have to tell HIM that, Usnavi

**usnavy:** are you insane

**ruBen10:** Okay not the detail sensory part or the selling condoms part. But you have to tell him that it being a guy isn't what bothers you.

**moneydude:** Usnavi trust me, I have been that kid before and the way you are acting around him would have set me off into a panic attack instantly. Talk to him.

**usnavy:** ok

**moneydude:** well this is a complete disaster

**moneydude:** who knew an acronym could cause so much drama (tm)

**ruBen10:** Alex

**moneydude:** what

**ruBen10:** "I have been that kid before"?

**moneydude:** so what

**ruBen10:** I'm just asking, I've got nothing against it.

**moneydude:** right

**ruBen10:** I mean it

**moneydude:** i know. i personally judge you more for having willingly inherited a high maintenance sex doll than you judge me for my romantic predispositions

**ruBen10:** Lmao

**ruBen10:** We good?

**moneydude:** yea

**ruBen10:** By the way

**ruBen10:** Are you ever gonna stop bringing Priscilla up

**moneydude:** now that i know u named it Priscilla? never

* * *

**usnavy:** i talked to sonny for a long while and we hugged and tears were shed and i am very emotional rn

**moneydude:** Achievement Unlocked: Usnavi learns new acronym

**moneydude:** seriously though, well done

**usnavy:** i didnt do much except be an idiot and sweat a lot

**ruBen10:** I think you just summed up all our skill sets

**usnavy:** jaajajajajaja he fdHBVBK

**moneydude:** omfg navi are u okay

**usnavy:** it's just htat when i rvead ruben's message

**usnavy:** the frist thing i thought

**usnavy:** was "damn, he's too funny"

**moneydude:** ljasdJASHJFFFUCK OH MY GOD

**ruBen10:** Ostrich walked yellow lemon arithmetics

**moneydude:** u gotta ditch the fucking autocorrect rubenny

**Author's Note:**

> TW for accidental outing, mentions of underage sex and implications of homophobia (no one is actually homophobic, but there are some miscommunications that make it sound like that). Also Ruben accidentally calls a minor "handsome", and mentions of Ruben's sex doll lol.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Come ramble to me at my tumblr rainbowblue13.


End file.
